Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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