When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
