my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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