Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
