i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That accounts for only three of the penises
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
