I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I looked at my own cervix.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
