Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
