Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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