Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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