Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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