Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
