Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
