apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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