thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
