On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
