Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
