I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
