Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
