ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
