she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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