I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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