I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
