i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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