I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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