I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
