try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
