Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
