I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
