I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
