Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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