Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
