Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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