I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
