is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
