Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
please come you make the beer taste better
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
