Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
