a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
