Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
