I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
