so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
