I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
