ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
