found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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