Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
