you traded sex for a burrito?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
