so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
