I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
