The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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