How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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