I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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