its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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