he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
