i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
