I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
